Forgiveness is one of the most testing areas to deal with following the discovery of an affair.. Many are scared to forgive because they believe there is a probability that their spouse may possibly do it again. Even though they believe they have to forgive so they can make progress they are hesitant to do so.
Do you find yourself in this predicament?. You have acknowledged the reality that your partner has been unfaithful. You want to move on but the terrifying prospect that your spouse could cheat again is holding you back. So what you really are looking for is reassurance that it won't occur again. You want to have a 100% iron-clad guarantee that he/she will never cheat again.
The first point you have to comprehend is that there is no way that you can be 100% sure that your partner won't cheat again. Your partner is the master of his/her own fate. It is not something which you can control. To wish for something that cannot be, will only add to your pain. This is something you have to acknowledge before you can move on. You must understand that it may happen again.
If you can manage to accept that it might happen again, what must you do to move on? It is very important to recognize that this is the possibility you take in any relationship you enter. There will always be a chance of getting hurt when feelings are involved. What really matters now is understanding how probable it is that your partner may do it again. The likelihood of your partner cheating again can be measured by observing three sets of behaviors.
1.Is there evidence that your spouse actually understands what they have put you through? Do you think that your partner actually appreciates what he/she has done and what he/she has put you through. This is a exceptionally powerful indicator of how committed your spouse is to saving your marriage.
2. Is there evidence that your spouse is taking full accountability for the unfaithfulness? If you consider they do accept full, unreserved accountability, it makes it less likely they will do it again.
3. Is there evidence that your spouse is making all the changes crucial to making your marriage work? If your partner is fully committing himself/herself to making the required changes to their character and behavior then you can feel reassured that they never plan to make the same mistake again.
If you can observe these three sets of behavior in your partner then you can be as sure as you possibly can be that he/she will never cheat again. If you believe that there is a determined effort on your partner's behalf to change their actions, beliefs and attitude then you are in a much more comfortable position to offer forgiveness.
For a much more detailed guide to dealing with forgiveness and how it influences surviving infidelity, pay a visit to http://www.surviving-infidelity-help.com now!
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