How do you know you married the right individual? Let’s look at this a little closer to examine in more detail. All couples find it takes work to save a marriage.
Remember when……………
To answer this question, think back to when you first met your spouse and yes fell in love with them. That is a pleasant thought, isn’t it. Even now it brings a smile across your face. You remember how you waited by the phone awaiting their call, desired their touch on your shoulder, hand or face. You even had a great appreciation for their little quirks.
It was so easy to fall in love with your spouse back then. If you are truly honest, it just sort of happened. They walked through the door and wham. Instead of just walking into the room they stepped right into your heart. That is what you call “falling in love” and it happened to you. It was probably the easiest thing you ever did. Falling in love is a passive experience that happens spontaneously.
The honeymoon can last for quite awhile but at some point the captured bliss of love and marriage may fade. Don’t worry this is not unexpected to some degree. The calls you used to wait by the phone for might become a bother even when they do come. The touch you used to long for might be pushed away at times when it occurs. Those little quirks become irritating rather than appreciated.
At some point if this stage is allowed to progress frustration, bitterness, and anger begins to set up residence in what was such a beautiful relationship in the beginning.
At some point both or either partner may ask the question, “Am I married to the right individual?” When this question is asked if either partner begins to think of what marriage with someone else would have been. That is the moment trouble walks in the door of your marriage. Anytime either party looks outside of the marriage in thoughts or deed for what they believe is missing in their marriage that is when the marriage begins to fail. The individual may not become involved in affair with another person but something else may take the place of their spouse. It could be friends, a hobby, work, or even substances of abuse such as alcohol.
Both partners need to understand the answers to their marital problems will not be found outside of the marriage. The key to a happy marriage is learning to love your partner. You were attracted to each other as you fell in love but to sustain that love you really have to go the next step and learn to love.
Learning to love takes effort and work which is very different than falling in love. I have heard it said about a couple going through a tough time, “Oh, they just need to fall in love again”. I beg to pardon they just need to learn to love. You learn to ride a bike and once you have you don’t forget. Learn to love and you won’t forget.
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